Self portrait shoot

I was feeling inspired earlier, partly by the wonderful new pale blonde wig i bought, and ive set up a little daylight studio in the bedroom so i had a mini self portrait shoot.

used a 50mm 1.2 lens, daylight mimic bulbs, i used the awesome app that connects my phone to my camera to get it just right too.

I found this awesome artist too who inspired me to do something like these again, more test shoots with self portraits to come before my proper shoot on the 30th with my lovely model friend Emily

More on IG @_perfectlycandid

 

Watch this space! 🙂

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Floating 

The bath has always been my favourite place to be, laying under the water feeling my hair floating, feeling the weight of it and how it feels on my neck, I used to make the water a bit cool to feel like I’m in the ocean or a deep river. 

As natural as the experience can feel 

As natural as it feels to be with you 

If I had to describe how it feels being the one you love I would use the world floating 

When people talk about coming back down to earth, wherever that place is above earth, that’s where you are

I feel not myself, but in the sense that I don’t stop for even a second to be anxious or unhappy. I don’t have time. 

Looking in your sparkling, kind eyes makes my heart melt. 

If I had to describe how it feels being the one you love I would use the word floating 

Forever floating into your arms, spending every day falling more in love with you. 

Missing you

Last night was the first night id been back in my old room and my old bed since moving out, i miss my boyfriend and my kitten terribly, and the little home we made.

I’m currently waiting for my Mum to get out the bath so we can have some ‘girlie time’.

I’m home because ive had to have a horrible test done today and i have physio tomorrow at 8am. Then another doctors appointment then i can leave all the irritating problems i face now and then for a fun underwear photo shoot back at the flat.

Last night was hard sleeping without him.

My room even smells of him.. i know that isn’t possible, i think my brain is just forging it now.

People keep asking me how its going because it’s all moved so fast and i almost feel confused by the question, they don’t understand how i feel, i’m utterly infatuated.

 

 

My Alter Ego

A second self or different version of oneself;  Such as a trusted friend or the opposite side of a personality.

You know when you’ve had an argument with someone and later on you think ‘Oh, i should have said that‘ and you’re just certain that if you had remembered or thought to say that better word or sentence or acted in some better way right then and there the whole moment would have gone exactly as you’d planned… but not at the time.

I like to think of those moments being said by a ‘better’ me.

A personified manifestation of my.. shortcomings? my regrets, things i’m too scared to do or say, things i possibly am already but my insecurities are clouding my view and understanding of them, shoulda woulda coulda in human form.

And i’ve always wanted to meet her, but we never seem to be in the same place at the same time, we keep missing each other.

She smokes, she inhales between sentences and pauses for dramatic effect, not hand rolled, those long posh ones, her nails are long and red, she’s always got something interesting to say, she’ll shake her head and roll her eyes at you.

She walks with attitude, when you’re passing her on the street she’ll glance at you without turning her head, confidently. She wears heels to work and proudly stomps around in them on top of wooden floors. She never complains about her feet hurting.

She never dyed her hair so its super long and thick and it waves in the wind like a cloak as she struts through life in her high heels.

One day i’ll look down on her

 

 

 

Truthfully Happy

Laid on the bed, lights dim, both in lounge around the apartment clothes, new kitten exploring her new kingdom, food on the way, opening credits to a film rolling, tangled in a comfortable web, basking in the love, stroking each others skin, we shut out the world when we’re in this room.

‘We’ve sort of run away you know’

‘Thank-you for choosing me’

 

Update

I’m losing ideas of what to title these little diary posts.. ill think of something more interesting i promise!

 

I finished work early today, went into town with Nicole and found a cheap wig shop (PRAISE THE LORD) because every time i buy a new one it’s like £80 ish.

When i got it home i realised it was human hair (ew) bit weird but its super soft and natural looking. And cheap, lets not forget that part.

Dan called around and we’re getting a kitten, yay! she’s a little black  4 month old  moggy, shes not getting on with the other cats so were going to rescue her, were picking her up tomorrow and luckily (not for my bank account, mind) im not working tomorrow, were thinking of calling her Nala, but we might change our minds once we see her.

Mum and Dad and Will are coming for dinner on Sunday so Dan can show off his big yorkshire puddings (no pun intended)

I’ve learned another Karen O song on ukulele, i love her.