happiness><money ?

last night i realised that when talking about what i do for a living i like talking about it and i feel like people are impressed when i talk about it. And i like when they ask questions, but in reality, on the surface, its good; i am not in that certain percentage of people who work in a crappy job when they get a degree because its hard to get into the industry. Im not working in Maccys. I actually work in my field. But it pays not even close to what i need to live on. And that, over time, has gotten worse and therefore is outweighing the rest.

In the long-term i want to work for myself, i know im nowhere near prepared for that especially by the fact that im still in my student overdraft after almost a year of work.

 

Woah..

 

That’s just really hit home.

And i don’t even pay rent or bills. No one should be able to be expected to live like this!

 

The fault with contraception

So, for the last few months I’ve been trying to free myself from hormones. When I broke up with my ex i took a spontaneous trip to stay with my friends for a long sunny weekend and just before that id taken myself off the pill, sitting in the sun with my best friends made me realize how happy i could have been all those years off hormones. You think you might be depressed or suffer from anxiety? Take yourself off contraception for a while and i guarantee you’ll feel a difference. Anyway, after an appointment with my rheumatologist when considering a change in contraception for the health of my joints, it would seem the only option i have is a no hormone coil, which, well, even the word coil makes me cringe. But I’ve heard so many horror stories. I asked around friends and nurses for a few months talking myself in and out of it, then, finally, last week i had a conversation with a pretty straight talking nurse who said that if i have ever had heavy periods in my life then being on the coil will probably make them even worse and on top of joint pain that’s something id love to avoid!

So after much deliberation, im back on the mini pill. If I start to feel terrible again, I’ll bite the bullet and go on the best coil going.

I wish they’d change the name.

But above all, i wish female contraception was perfected. They’ve only just realised that its connected to mental health problems, its been going for decades and theyre still taking certain ones off the market because theyre so harmful. When are they going to make one for the men?

pause

i just opened the laptop to write and i can’t think of anything to say, i’m on the sofa under a blanket i’m sharing with my kitten who is in heat at the moment and acting very strange – i feel her pain as i’ve taken myself off the pill, i’m supposed to be going on the coil but i keep hearing horrible stories from girls who’ve been on it, i don’t want to have the horrible periods every month but i’d rather deal with those than be paranoid or pregnant. I have an appointment soon and im hoping im going to have a chat with a no-nonsense nurse who will tell me exactly how it is.

i want to leave my job for a better paid one,  younger one, who’ll do stuff my job won’t do..

i’m not willing to stay in low paying job simply because it’s in my industry, i want to open a shop and i need money to do that. If things improve, i’ll stay, i’ll give it a week. It’s becoming an ugly atmosphere and i want financial security.

 

 

May Day 

My partner is currently grieving, I took him on a walk to the woods and we picked wild garlic and took pictures of the bluebells. It’s making me remember how I felt when I lost someone, I feel like I repressed a lot of the sorrow, I know I was sad, I remember that, but I don’t remember how it felt. I remember how I got through it. I’m envious that I was only 16 at the time, my partner is much older, I wonder if that helps though.. because you’re never prepared, we’re given no rule book, we have no point of reference, just our own memories and experiences. But I know that, be it age difference, he’s doing amazingly. 

Boss woman

So, I’ve realized i’m great at planning for the short term, there’s a lot to be said for living in the now, yes, but if i want to work for myself i must make a plan.

There’s certain things that university didn’t teach me (i’m thinking of doing a post on this of its own.. another story) things like what its like in the  big, complex world of self employment and taxes.

I want to work for myself, i know that much. I knew this much a few months ago, now i know exactly what i want. And i think i can do it.

I wanted, at first, to run my own studio, maybe live there too, but i don’t want to be a general studio, i want to be a portrait studio. And realistically, i’ll have to already be rolling in it for that to work out as my only income. Then i realised studios arent the only line of work photographers can go into, basically, i want to open a shop/gallery/creative workshop space, selling local artists work, crafts, artwork, photography etc. Display and sell my own work and run workshops and studio sessions. (maybe natural light studio sessions..) I feel this is a way to showcase/delve into my other passions of photography and the creative world. I adore the physical elements of photography much more than constantly sitting on Photoshop, analog, recycled negatives, turning your prints into things other than prints.

Real art. Substance.

That’s what i want to be known for.

I’ve been looking at commercial spaces, gaining a larger library of portraits and getting advice from local businesses etc.

ALSO

my natural light portrait shoot went so well it’s gathered attention from 5 or so other models who want to work with me, so i’m starting a little portrait business from my home studio, a series of shoots every week, a choice of travel costs covered or a Polaroid for £5 and all images free to use wherever with credit.

Its going really well, i have high hopes for the future 🙂

 

Portraits for self confidence

Photoshoots to soothe the soul

after a bit of creative block, i invited my friend over for some tea, kitten cuddles and some natural light portraits.

(you can see the full set on instagram @_perfectlycandid)

I love natural light images. these havent been edited apart from light contrast alteration to ensure they’re all evenly lit when seen next to each other. (apart from the back and white one obviously) Scroll to see the images.

I’ve interested a few more girls to have more shoots like this in the coming weeks, it’s a great way to boost confidence and allows you to love your natural beauty.

50mm 1.2, natural light only.

Model: Emily Hannah

Necklace: Agharta Jewellery

 

#NotJustHolidaySnaps

I’m a firm believer in not telling people your plans but showing them your results but this one needs some forward planning and I’m too excited! Me and my other half are going to try out some light travelling this summer, by light travelling I mean as much as we can get by on our budget, Lisbon or Florence or the Greek Islands? We’re not quite sure, we have inspiration and lots of books. And my camera needs some colour.