whoever you are, wherever you are, i promise you i never lost hope, i’m an old romantic and a hopeless one. i am not tarnished, i am waiting, i turn my head up to face and greet the sun every morning, if its covered in heavy, black clouds, after all my heartbreak, i filled the gaps with gold, and i promise my darling i will make you proud.
Even you, up on that pedestal, the time will come
When you will deconstruct yourself and remake what you are.
When it does you’ll remember me and the words I spoke
And wonder how you ever could have strayed so far.
The other night i had a little scare, a couple of years ago i dislocated my right shoulder, which i managed to pop back in myself on the way to A&E, i was in a cast, then a sling for about 4 months. That arm, obviously, hasn’t been the same since, annoyingly enough its my right shoulder therefore i carry my camera in that hand, i mix with that hand and it’s always being over worked. My boyfriend sometimes has to wash my hair for me, but ive been getting by!
But the other night while sitting on my sofa my arm started to go numb, i started to move it around a bit like how you move when you feel pins and needles coming on, but it grew stronger and eventually went completely numb. The paramedics were concerned i was having a stroke or a heart attack, i told them what i had and they both had to get out their phones and google it. I looked at Dan and just cried, where’s the support? I felt hopeless. They checked my heart, my blood, my temperature, everything, they were very apologetic and very caring but ultimately, i waited it out, attached to wires with a racing heart.
This is just a new symptom, among the others i have to watch out for.
After leaving my job where i was scared to be honest about my health for fear of being treated like an idiot, or, ‘bringing my problems to work’. I swore i wouldn’t let anything or anyone stand in the way of my dream career. My health is one of those obstacles.
But it wont stop me.
I picture myself in my beautiful studio, taking it at my own pace, my clients sensitive or even inspired by my condition, i have all the support i need and all the love i could ever dream of from my massive circle of amazing friends, family and partner.
So recently i left my studio job to focus on my own work from my little home studio.
I’ve had some amazing clients and i feel like I’m finding my niche.
I’ve also been selling vegan, organic & gluten-free cakes to a couple of cafe’s in Yorkshire, my wonderful partner is supporting me to create my own business and i havent ever felt more secure, calm and confident in my life.
I spend my days either in my studio or re-touching my work, baking and my evenings planning my little business and reading poetry.
We’re hoping to save for a little trip to Italy in a couple of months, and soon I’m going to visit my friend who’s undergoing an internship in Majorca, i have so many talented and vibrant women in my life and a man by my side.
Anyway! Below is a snippet from my recent work, the model is Laura Henney who can be found on instagram at @hennny. See the full set, the rest of my shoots over the last couple of months, live videos and offers also in instagram @alicecatherinephotography. You can also find me on www.alicecatherinephotography.com
(all images below copyright to Alice Catherine Photography.)
My pain matured me
Belonging to you did not feel like belonging at all
I started to hate what you hated and now I’m clawing back up to where my true self points, mocking.
Belonging should feel like belonging.
At a certain point, you’ve got to stop ‘perfecting’ yourself and just let yourself bloom. Live your life. Move further. Find someone you can grow with. Feather your nest and spread your wings. Hold your head high.